Love Blog » Heart Break

Why Do Marriages Fail?

LoveBug — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 04:30:26 +0000

Marriages fall out everyday. Couples say that they tried but it didn’t work out. They are heart broken. Slowly, they heal their emotional scars and try again. But the hurt of the first marriage still lingers somewhere and transforms into their lives again.

Some common reasons why marriages fail are:

1) Fault finding or criticism are hurtful. It involves attacking someone’s nature rather than their behaviour. This hurts the self esteem of the person.

2) Intimacy is crucial in a marriage. Everyone needs and wants to be cared for and nurtured. If this is deprived then the marriage is sure to fail.

3) Nagging and complaining leads to annoyance. It is good to vent out problems but doing that too often is not healthy. Communicate, discuss and resolve your differences rather than bringing them up and arguing over them daily.

4) Stonewalling your partner because you don’t want to deal with the problem. A partner may feel overwhelmed by emotions and problems that the relationship is facing so he/she can withdraw himself/herself. They avoid confrontations by remaining silent, avoid eye contact and decide to sleep early rather than opening and resolving their feelings.

5) Adjustment is the foundation of any marriage. If you are going to live together then you have to give in to your spouse’s good and bad habits. Many find various habits of their partner irritating and annoying.

6) Infidelity can range from a one night drunken mistake to a long term, planned affair. Infidelity happens when feelings of depression, stress or just being overwhelmed with the pressures of life can cause some people to neglect their appearance and hygiene. Another reason for looking outside the marriage is when couples become very demanding. A wife or husband may not realize that nagging and complaining is demanding. It puts a lot of pressure on a spouse to be a certain way for the other. And if they are unable to follow the desired wishes and commands then they start searching for peace outside the house.

Marriages can work if each one understands the other with empathy, communicates openly and stand by each other, taking marriage as a lifelong commitment.

How To Resolve Conflicts In A Relationship

LoveBug — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 04:30:02 +0000

Nurturing a relationship is vital if you want to stay together. Bitterness, irritation and constant stress between two people not only affects their personal mindset but also the people around. Learn to resolve fights and arguments by saying “Sorry.” But many find it hard to say this. It is important to understand that if you are wrong, admitting your mistake is the right thing to do. An argument doesn’t need a winner or a loser.

When in an argument, avoid bringing up the past as it will add more hostility. It is best to remain calm and above all forgive and forget. If you have to disagree then do it devotedly. There will be many occasions when you and your partner will not see things eye to eye. Learn to accept people as they are and adjust whole-heartedly.

Learn to be persistent in showing that both of you like each other and want to better your relationship at every stage of your life. This will create harmony and balance in your lives for years together.

How To Watch Out For A Disastrous Relationship

LoveBug — Sat, 19 Jan 2008 04:30:50 +0000

Every relationship requires some amount of adjustments. But it is essential that you are aware of the pitfalls that cause the love bond to go sour.

Expecting your partner to change or to fix their flaws after committing to a long term relationship is not advisable. If you find some flaws that can be rectified, especially when in public then do so carefully when you are alone with your partner. We all have flaws but it is best to accept them just like your partner has accepted yours. Making a big issue over little things will only dampen the softness and love that is blossoming.

Another example of unrealistic relationship expectation is thinking that your partner is the solution to all your problems lifelong. Expecting this is not being fair to him or yourself. You will be always dependant and clinging to him for every little thing. You are responsible for your life and your self-esteem.

Lack of intimacy often takes place when there is limited communication. Not listening to each other’s hopes, dreams and fears on a regular basis can lead to a disrupted and loveless relationship. It is crucial that both partners should talk and discuss their feelings with each other.

Another way of ruining the love is by constantly controlling your partner by harassing them with harsh words, withholding your love and issuing ultimatums. This only proves that your needs and desires are more important than the love you share together. Even though the person pulling the strings may think they are winning, ultimately, it is the relationship that loses out.

Partners often puts down their better halves or constantly second guesses them, they are draining away their self-esteem and self worth. Such actions prove that you really don’t value them and they really don’t matter. This is very sad as the emotional scars run very deep.

So watch out if such situations turn up in your relationship. Smoothen the rough edges and nurture the love, tenderness and care.

A Plan To Win Your Ex Back

LoveBug — Tue, 15 Jan 2008 04:30:51 +0000

To win back an ex, should not be made on impulse. It has to be well thought of and there should be an understanding, why you want to get back together.

Step 1: The recuperative period is crucial because if you do not recover long after your break-up or take too much time to break the mental block you have against your ex, you may just lose out on any chances of getting back together. It could be worse if he/she have got into another relationship. This will devastate you even more.

Step 2: When analyzing “what went wrong in your relationship?” don’t get emotional and make it worse on yourself by drinking or sobbing endlessly. You need to be truthful and find out what really did happen. Usually it could be you not meeting your ex’s needs or if you had some habit that was driving her/him away.

Step 3: The first thing you need to know when you are planning to fix the relationship is that you can only work with matters concerning yourself. Your ex is equally responsible but that is not in your hands. You have to ask yourself sincerely if you really want to change yourself, make sacrifices or compromise. Remember your ex knows you too well so you cannot ask for her empathy and then behave in the same old-fashioned way. The ex will only think of getting back if a noticeable change is discovered. If you are sure of yourself and convinced that splitting with your ex was the wrong decision only then go ahead.

Step 4: Once you have made up your mind, now there is no turning back. Always remember that the onus lies on you to re-ignite the relationship. Learn to frank and open, don’t beat around the bush. The first contact should be simple and general. Calling or chatting online is a good start to know how she/he is doing. It shows that you care about her well-being. After this first base, try spending some more time with her doing some activity that you both enjoy. With this you will be able to show her that you have changed. Let her/him notice this change rather than you pointing it out to her/him.

Step 5: Remain calm and see how he/she responds to you. Don’t force your ex to commit. The past doesn’t erase so easily. So give her time and see how the love blossoms again.

When Should You Never Patch Up With Your Ex?

LoveBug — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 04:30:26 +0000

When should you never patch up with your ex boyfriend:

1) He has physically abused you.

2) You have faced verbal abuse.

3) He/She was prone to cheating on you.

4) Your ex was manipulative.

5) Your ex met you after intervals of two to three months (you were imagining a relationship)

6) He/She never engaged in your social and family circle.

Managing Arguments In A Relationship

LoveBug — Sat, 05 Jan 2008 04:30:12 +0000

Arguments are common and so are misunderstandings which sometimes spark negativity in a harmonious relationship. Here are some tips how to manage arguments when in a relationship.

Try To Remain Calm: Understand and hear the problem correctly. Don’t raise your voice unnecessarily.
To The Point: Discuss what is bothering you at present. Don’t bring out old grudges and change the issue of the problem.
Keep It Real: Deal with the issue on hand and not a problem that may happen. Be realistic or you will be just frustrating one another.
Avoid Calling Names: Character assignation should be avoided completely.
Set A Time Limit: Fights and arguments should have a time limit. It is a temporary disharmony. Don’t allow the ugliness of an argument to stretch on indefinitely.
Kiss And Make-Up: How an argument ends is crucial. Recognize when an olive branch is being extended to you, maybe in the form of joke or an apology. Accept it and get back together. Never take the argument to bed and fret and fume over it all night.

Learn To Get Over Your Ex

LoveBug — Fri, 28 Dec 2007 04:30:49 +0000

Your Ex is your past. Stop dwelling over him/her and learn to live in the present. It may not be easy for all but there is always some support and pointers which will help you see things clearer.

1) It is really over. So don’t hang around him/her. Don’t jump to answer his/her email, phone calls or even visiting the places where you once spent time together.

2) There is nothing left to talk and discuss when the final separation has happened. Don’t beg or cry or make blank phone calls. Even at desperate moments, if you can talk your way back into his/her arms, it is only a temporary reprieve. She/He already knows you want her back and he/she doesn’t care. Take that as a sign.

3) Streamline your thought and emotions. Focus on the heart and negative, weepy feelings on paper. Express yourself completely and then destroy the letter. Don’t send it to your Ex. You may never know that your Ex may actually find it funny seeing your pathetic state and discuss it with other friends.

4) Find new places to hangout. Don’t meet your Ex’s friends. If your friends still want to keep in touch with your Ex, then it is best that you avoid them atleast for a while. A true friend will understand what you are going through and leave the friendship of your Ex. In these trying times, you will know exactly how true and genuine friends around you are.

5) Throw away; discard the gifts and souvenirs that your ex had given you. Keeping them around will only make things worse.

With time you will slowly understand and then the healing will begin. Life doesn’t remain the same for everyone so good times will roll in again. Just don’t lose hope.

How To Handle A Cheating Partner

LoveBug — Mon, 24 Dec 2007 04:30:51 +0000

There are many ways to decipher the signs that your partner is cheating on you. Initially you won’t want to believe but then your instincts scream it aloud and then you have to face reality. Here are some tell tale signs that he is betraying your love and trust.

1) The changes in wardrobe, hairstyling, extra grooming care when done all of a sudden can raise an eyebrow. He/She decides to join gym or weight loss programme. The chances are that he/she is trying to impress someone else or perhaps is already in another relationship.

2) Making excuses for not being home. They justify their absence with dinner meetings, conference, business travels and get defensive when you question his/her whereabouts.

3) Being secretive and suspicious behaviour when attending to their phone calls. Talking calls in the next room, text messaging secretly or smiling when receiving calls and not sharing who the caller was and lying that it was a wrong number all lead to a conclusion of an affair.

4) It is very commonly seen that the partner who is cheating tends to become more loving towards their partner because of their guilt. But this is short-lived. They slowly start arguing and create a tense environment at home and look for excuses to break-up the relationship or marriage.

5) With the internet being so easy and accessible, there are chances that he/she maybe romantically involved electronically. Some signs are that they are always logged in and have become a recluse. They switch the computers when you are around. Delete their cookies and history files so that you won’t know which site they visit.

6) Their preferences and interests change and they start developing sudden new hobbies. It could be choice of music or being selective about their eating habits.

There are chances that your partner has drifted from you and seeing someone else. Before confronting him/her always get some proof before you fly in with accusations. Try and keep a check on your emotions even though this is your life and a lot is at stake, so think and act reasonably. Listen to what your partner has to say without interrupting him. Weigh the pros and cons of the situation before making a final decision. Never grovel or beg in front of your partner if he decides to leave you for someone else. Discuss the situation with other members of your family and seek their support. Don’t be alone, request the company of family members and friends who will support you and stand by you no matter what.

Overcome Dating Fears After A Break-Up

LoveBug — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 04:30:52 +0000

A break-up is never easy. It takes time to mourn the loss of a relationship. But everyone has to move on and come to terms with it. Part of moving on, is dating again. It does take a lot of strength and courage to get back and see new people. Old memories will daunt you and make you feel emotionally weak but there is really no other way out. You have to face the challenge.

You had closed the doors of your heart with a lot of paddle locks and bolted it from everyone around. So how do you suddenly start sending subtle messages that you are open to dating again?

1) The best way to start this initiative is to be among friends who you know well. Attend parties with them and slowly expand your social circle. If you do find someone interesting, your friends will be able to tell you more about that guy or girl. They know your fragile emotional state so they will surely guide you if the person is right for you.

2) It is advisable to take the new relationship slowly. Don’t be in a hurry to think the next guy is definitely the right one. Learn to take in his qualities and avoid comparing him with your old flame. Don’t get into a relationship on a rebound.

3) You have to be proactive to find dates. It may feel awkward initially but you have to push yourself and overcome this hurdle. There are many ways you can find date like internet dating. Register online and post your requirements for an ideal date. Join singles club or recommended dating agencies. Speed dating is also organized so it is best if you start mingling then you can be a part of your city’s action.

4) If you are a single parent, and still keen in finding the perfect man then make sure you inform your family about it. Discuss it with your children depending on their age group. Explain to them why you are going out. If you find a man interesting, understand him, spend time with him and once you are sure only then bring him home to meet your children.

Dating again after a break-up may sound tough, but it is an be enjoyable experience if you are able to free yourself from the old memories. You have the right to enjoy your life. Dating will bring the lost spark in your life back.

10 Tips To Mend A Broken Heart

LoveBug — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 04:30:09 +0000

Recovery after a break up is never easy. There will be highs and lows but you will surely move on. Initially everyone feels that this is it, you cannot go one anymore, but soon the phase will pass. Grief, resentment, despair, a feeling of betrayal and abandonment are some of the emotions that we all go through, especially if the relationship has ended on a sour note. Here are some tips to mend that broken heart.

1) Most people are in denial after a break up. They don’t want to admit that it is over because the pain is too intense. But the sooner you accept it, the faster will be the healing process. It is okay to cry and vent out your emotions but then you have to face the reality and move on.

2) You have to practice self-control. Do not sms your boyfriend, sending him blank message or messages like “I miss you.” It will hurt you even more when he doesn’t respond back.

3) Prepare yourself for the future. Be positive and reassure yourself that whatever happens is for the best. You know that you deserve better so don’t brood or sulk. Read an interesting book to distract your mind, watch fun movies, listen to spiritual chants and relax the mind, body and soul.

4) Throw away any mementos that remind you of your boyfriend -cards, stuffed toys, jewelry including emails. They will only make you dwell in the past. When he doesn’t exist in your life so why should the things be around you?

5) Confide in family and friends. Their support will help you through this ordeal.

6) Stop thinking about him and what he would be doing at this time. Avoid going to the places where you both used to sit, chat or hangout. It will only bring back old memories that have no meaning now. Go to new places, learn something new and enrich your life.

7) Change your appearance. Don’t look haggard and depressed to the world. Get a new wardrobe, change your hairstyle, visit a spa and look stylish. The new you will reflect your mindset as well.

8) Avoid jumping into relationships after a break up. It may give you a new high, but it may not always work. Instead, it may make you even more depressed. Enjoy good friendships but don’t get emotionally attached at an early stage.

9) Avoid being bitter and negative. The angry and loathe should slowly be removed otherwise it comes out unconsciously when you are dealing with people in the future.

10) Life is too short so you have to move on to enjoy the rest of it. The one who left you, didn’t deserve you so why should you feel bad. He is the one who couldn’t see the gem that he lost. One day, when he does, he will repent because you have moved on to a better world.